Flowrestling erred in selecting Coon as the wrestler of the week

Typically, I don’t tend to brag about my siblings’ competition, but today I’m making an exception to my cardinal rule.

In the United States, women didn’t earn the right to vote until 1920, through the passing of the 20^th Amendment. It was revolutionary and frowned upon, but it was the beginning of the integration of women in a world that had been dominated by men for the entire existence of the United States. And just based on principle, it had to happen. Europeans left for the Americas in search of religious freedoms and mobility.

The country was sown on the basis to fight until you move your way to the top. That is, unless you’re Flowrestling choosing your wrestler of the week as the victor over gold Olympic medalist, Kyle Snyder. Who beat him again? Hold on. I need to make a quick google search. Oh yes. The Lantern reported it was No. 2 Adam Coon, of Michigan. His name didn’t even make the headline. But that doesn’t matter for Flowrestling.

You see, an elite woman wrestler, Kayla Miracle, earned her way to the coveted four-time national college champ making her the fourth ever woman to become member many wrestlers thirst for, but is rarely accomplished, even in men’s wrestling. Sure, she’s a talented experienced athlete with amazing coaching. But that doesn’t take away from the historical aspect of her accomplishment this Saturday when she defeated sophomore from Grays Harbor, Desiree Zavala, a two-time All-American. Miracle’s victory also allowed her team to clinch team national title, which was also Campbellsville’s first time earning this honor.

I know. This is wrestler of the week not of the last four years. But the reality is that no one truly knew who Adam Coon was until he defeated Kyle Snyder. Kayla’s victories throughout the week allowed her to not just clinch a personal title but also tally enough bonus points for a team victory. How do multiple victories that allow for two titles to come to pass not weigh more when considering wrestler of the week. Coon’s victory wasn’t enough to push Michigan over Ohio State at the end of the dual.

Miracle’s career as a wrestler is incredible notable. She was a bronze world medalist for the Junior U.S. team in addition to her college titles. She is also a member of the U.S. Women’s National Team. Yet, even on the week where we celebrate women and girl athletes across the nation for National Girls and Women in Sports Day marked on February 7^th every year.

But still, Miracle’s accomplishments, were not enough to capture the attention of Flowrestling’s Wrestler of the Week. Regardless of the criteria they used, Flowrestling failed to show support for women in the sport. Despite the argument that many believe women’s wrestling rescued the sport when it was in the dumps and the IOC could care less of the diplomacy that the sport has offered worldwide. It didn’t matter.

What does matter when it comes to qualifying for a mini-feature for the popular wrestling media outlet that faces no competition? Men’s wrestling. Time and time again we are told representation matters. Flowrestling managed survive the sport almost dying. But in a era where longevity of the sport, interest of the sport matters, their decision was a slap on the face to their oxygen tank.

The Women’s Collegiate Wrestling Association (WCWA) starts their season before men’s and concludes their regular season a month before the March Matness Men’s Tournament. If the main resource that people look for doesn’t respect women’s wrestling, what message does that send to other media outlets about the sport’s growth mattering. 

Here we are, almost 100 years after women earned their right to vote. Yet, here I am having to explain why a woman outperformed a man and should have earned wrestler of the week.I wonder if the genders were reversed and Coon had Miracle’s accomplishments, and Miracle had the major upset, if he would have still earned wrestler of the week. 

Here I am having to run through the facts as to why Kayla Miracle was a more outstanding wrestler than Adam Coon. This isn’t to throw shade at Coon, but rather create awareness of the tunnel-minded minds at Flowrestling who are essentially biting the hand that feeds them by pulling the e-brake on women’s wrestling at the end of the season. But I thought we were all in the same battle: to support the longevity of the sport. 

Like I said, I typically don’t brag about my siblings’ opposition and their accomplishments. I am totally biased to #TeamMolina and still am. My sister lost by technical fall to Miracle, once in her college career hence while I’m indifferent about her success, I’m torn about the lack of recognition for her college milestone accomplishments. In the end, this is a fight for equality and representation and Kayla’s miracle, shouldn’t be forgotten.

***Flowrestling was present at the WCWA Tournament this weekend in Oklahoma City, OK.

 

 

 

DACA and the Constitution…and jobs

It happened… yesterday while the west coast was getting their day going and the east coast was enjoying their lunch break, Attorney General Jeff Sessions announced the devastating news that DACA (Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals) would be phasing out in the next six months, that no new applications after September 5th would be reviewed and if your permit expires before March 2018, you would have until the end of October to file for renewal. No guarantees of course. Just that this was the rule of the law and that President Obama overstepped his powers by drafting this Executive Order—Unconstitutional is what Mr. Sessions called former President Obama.

But for those of us who didn’t study American Government or Constitutional Law, lets take a step back and discuss what an Executive Order entails of. Cornell Law School describes Executive Order as a declaration by the president or governor which has the force of law, and requiring no action by Congress or the state legislature. Meaning that on the basis of legality, it’s totally fair game. It may be challenged and overturned in the same manner DAPA’s Executive Order was overturned. DAPA was intended to offer legal relief in the manner that DACA does to undocumented youth, but for parents of American-born children.

So let’s go back to the drawing board. DAPA was challenged and due to the stalemate at the Supreme Court, the stay issued by the Federal Government, AKA the hold, became permanent making DAPA a dead Executive Order.

Executive Orders are nothing new. When I was studying Constitutional Law at the University of Washington, we learned that George W.H. Bush issued a strong 41 Executive Orders, while Bill Clinton issued 42, in contrast to Obama’s 44. Note that all of these presidents served two terms.  Here is where it gets interesting: Presidential Signing Statements are signed in the hundreds. They serve a similar purpose as an Executive Order, just without all the noise, cameras and reporters. Mostly people in research and academia focus on these. Despite Bill Clinton winning the race again on Presidential Signing Statements, only a small fraction were challenging the law, while a majority of George W.H. Bush’s challenged the law.

Anyway, back to my original point, there are still checks and balances available when one is in disagreement with an Executive order, like the temporary travel ban issued by President Donald Trump this year was challenged and temporary suspended. Let’s not turn a blind eye and note that Trump has issued a total of 45 Executive Orders in less than 8 months in office. That is more than former President Obama issued in 8 years.

Attorney General Sessions indicated that former President Obama overstepped his executive power through issuing DACA and that the phasing out of the program was strictly to restore the law of the land. I am willing to entertain that DACA was a bandaid, because it was. Thousands of undocumented students and their allies rallied and pressured the White House for months asking for a pathway to citizenship. When Congress failed to pass a piece of legislation that would offer this sort of relief, President Obama offered temporary relief and no pathway to citizenship: a work permit, access to a social security number and the ability to have a driver’s license in some states.

DACA-mented folks were in the same competitive pool with others who do have legal status. So how is it that jobs were taken away from legal residents and citizens? I once saw a sign that said, If you’re worried about undocumented, non-English speaking, without a high school diploma people taking your jobs, then you deserve it. It doesn’t get more blunt than that.

The United States takes pride in having homegrown talent. Well, the DACAmented community is homegrown talent, with the only difference being that they were not born here. The United States has taken its competitive edge based on having the best of the best, the cream of the crop representing them on a global platform. Why does being DACAmented make you less of a competitor? DACAmented folks work to be the best of the best because we were raised to believe if you were the good immigrant, you would be rewarded with a green card (permanent residency card) AKA papers.

Life without DACA will be tough. Trust me, I know first hand the challenges of being an undocumented student, while working a minimum wage law, while convincing school administrators that they need to help me find scholarships, while reaching out to local business leaders asking them to sponsor my studies, while having  just a handful of hours of sleep, while sharing a room with your five other siblings some times, while going to school with a grumbling stomach because your bank account in the negative because you just paid tuition and have no money to buy a snack while you’re on your college’s campus. But it can be done. We won’t be stopped. We can’t be stopped.

There still has not been a proposed resolution as to what happens to the 800,000 DACA recipients once their permits expire.

Despite DACA not being there for me while I was in school and despite my reality does not include not having legal documents anymore, I still felt like I was punched in the gut and someone reached into my wallet and stripped my documents away.

My DACAmented brothers and sisters, keep your head up.

My DACAmented allies, drive your representatives insane with all your calls and letters. I’ll be glad to mail you stamps and save  you a trip to the post office, because what is a post office anyway. Haha!

DACA wasn’t found to be Unconstitutional or in disagreement with the law of the land because it wasn’t challenged. There were threats that suggested a challenge in court, but Attorney General Sessions who has a history of supporting a white supremacist agenda, told the President that he wouldn’t defend DACA and that was enough to make the President half of America elected because he had a backbone, lose his.

La lucha sigue!

10 things I learned in the 10 months my brother was detained at an immigration center

In July of 2016, my brother had to surrender to immigration authorities despite having a pending appeal hearing for 2018. There had been several incidents that led to some legal trouble, but they all rooted from the domestic abuse he had suffered for almost 10 years. However, being that society doesn’t typically recognize or acknowledge men’s domestic abuse, my brother was stuck between a rock and a hard place. In the 10 months my brother was detained at the Tacoma Detention Center run by GEO, a contractor of the Department of Homeland Security, I learned many lessons, but I have to admit that the biggest take away I have to offer you at the beginning is that you cannot allow your spirit to break. Here we go:

1. You cannot allow your spirit to break: Growing up undocumented it’s a challenge in itself. You’ve already been humbled by the concept that you don’t belong in this country despite your family coming here when you had no choice, in search of a better life. Your spirit has already taken a beating. But now, you’re put into a facility where you are institutionalized and treated as if you’re less than a human being. You see, my brother was one of a few detainees who is bilingual. He grew up in this country. The guards take out their frustrations of not being able to discipline the monolingual detainees who are from all parts of the world; Nepal, India, Haiti and yes, Latin America too.

   As one who had a brother in this center, I have to admit that my spirit felt broken every time I visited my brother. This is supposed to be a low security facility, yet there are no contact visits unless you’re loved one is about to get the biggest boot out of the country. But every time I visited my brother, I gave myself a pep talk. And at times, I left that place in tears because I could not stand the circumstances that detainees like my brother are put under.

2. Visiting your loved one is a must: As much as you can, you need to visit your loved one. As much as it hurts you every time. As much as you cry every time. As much as you are forced to skip a meal while you wait your turn to see your loved one. It hurt. To spend half the day driving to Tacoma and back to Seattle and all the time waiting in between. But then you realize that other people all over the state are driving hours to see their family just once a month if that. You have to help your loved one grow patience and not give up the fight on their case. Because people lose their mind the first three months there and choose to sign over their voluntary departure than wait six months for a trial or to have enough money to get a bail hearing.
3. Give yourself and your family pep talks: In addition to supporting your loved one, you have to support your family, as broken as you feel inside, you have to keep moving forward. You have to dig deep and tell your family to remain positive in the middle of the storm. And if you’re a spiritual person, you lean on your Creator to help you find that strength to find the encouraging words to lift their spirits up so they can continue to be supportive of your loved one who is detained.
4. It costs more money to be detained: My brother spent 10 months detained. That was 10 months he couldn’t work to provide for his daughters. That was 10 months that my family and I pitched in to help keep enough money in my brother’s commissary so that he could buy supplemental food so he wouldn’t become malnourished by the detention center’s diet. You have to come together as a unit and not feud over the circumstances to be strategic with how you will come up with the funds for legal representation and any expert witnesses you may need to help support your case.
5. Lean on friends: Not everyone has a anti-immigrant mind and that was a tough lesson for me to learn. Through this process I learned that my friends were so much more supportive than I could ever imagine. I never once asked for money from them, but some put money in my brother’s commissary to help relief the financial burden from us. A friend of ours, who is like our brother from another mother, absorbed part of the costs of our expert witness to do an evaluation. And sometimes, what’s free is what means the most, courage and pep talks from your friends. Even though in their naive minds they do not understand the difficulties and mountain that your family has to climb to be successful in this case, their innocent encouragement is exactly what you need.
6. Speak up, eventually someone will listen: A few months ago, there was a chicken pox outbreak in the detention center. The health representative hired by the center informed the detainees that they were lucky it wasn’t Tuberculosis because that’s airborne. Well after I left the center, a google search quickly told me that chicken pox was airborne. And since my brother had already had the pox, he wasn’t likely to get it again, but there were others who could suffer complications. My sister and I did our best to reach out to media outlets to see if they would cover the story since I think in 2006 or 2008 this particular center had a similar problem. They go through the motions of booking detainees so quickly that they do not wait for the labs to come back before sending them in with the rest of the population.
7. Be grateful: No matter what people did for us during these 10 months, big or small, I was so grateful and I reminded my brother to ensure that he thanked all these people when he came out. In situations like these you learn who your true friends are. And despite it being tempting to be petty and lash out to the ones who claimed to be your ride or die homies, you have to focus your energy toward the ones who support you and constantly thanked them for putting up with your emotional rollercoaster of emotions.
8. Be kind to the detention center staff: That was is a tough pill to swallow. But one of my mentors always told me that you attract more flies with honey than with vinegar. You never know when you’re going to get locked up in your apartment garage and miss visiting hours and call from your garage and ask for a shorter visit in light of your circumstances. The officers for sure will remember you and do what they can to help you if they can. In my case, they let me have a 30 minute visit because I called them to tell them what happened.
9. There are so many volunteer groups that want to help support you: These people are not busy bodies. From the Northwest Immigrant Rights Project, to the Latino Advocacy group and the wonderful people who run an RV (AIDNW)with supplies for people who are being released who do not have family or friends here and even the senior group from the church in Fox Island who hand you snacks and have toys for the kids visiting the center. There are so many people who want to help you and don’t know your circumstances and frankly don’t care how your relative landed in the center–they are just wanting your family to stay together and do what they can.
10. Every no gets you closer to a yes: I know this isn’t the case for everyone, but after almost 10 years of being tied up in appeals, with the legal staff and expert witnesses who believe in you, will help you advance your case.

My family and I are so grateful for everyone’s support in the process. We are especially thankful for Melissa Campos at Avelar Law and Claudette Atuna who has her own practice and volunteers with NWIRP.

Though this particular chapter is nearing closure for my family and I, I do plan to volunteer with AIDNW and help translate documents when I can and donate women and men’s clothing and shoes for the recently released detainees.

La lucha sigue. We are not free until we are all free.

A piece of the pie: a quick glance at a first time house buyer’s experience

In 1989, my family and I immigrated to the U.S. and didn’t turn back. We lived in the city of Angels briefly, six years to be exact and then made our way to the city of grunge, now the city of techies. Ah…yes, the tech industry.

Washington state used to be the mecca of the logging industry, hence the nickname the Evergreen State. But as the dangers of the logging industry became evident, the mining industry was on life support, the city of Seattle which is poppin’, was almost on its’ last breath too. There’s a story that said something along the lines of, “Will the last person to leave Seattle turn out the lights?” Yup, our extremely coveted financially stable city, that still hasn’t won a baseball championship, almost wasn’t.

But then the state of Washington got savvy and broke the deal that saved the city by offering Microsoft tax breaks impossible to turn down to relocate from New Mexico to Washington state. And that’s where it all began, 1979.

Fast forward to 2017 and we are living in the city with the fastest changing skyline, most expensive housing market for both renters and first-time home buyers. How do I know? Well let’s just say that we are part of the locals who have gradually moved further and further out of the city.

In August 2009, during the recession, my husband and I got our first apartment in Capitol Hill, the north quiet side of Capitol Hill. It was a small one bedroom apartment in a 1920s building. After comfortably living there for about two years, the building was taken over by a new management company and the rent rose $50. Not a big deal initially, but then they raised the rent about $20 here and there for the next six months. They were utility fees, remodel fees, oxygen fees. So we moved to Beacon Hill. Got a 700 square feet apartment with a beautiful view of the I-90. And we were comfortable from July 2012-2014. That was the first hike. $100. No big deal, right? Well then our landlord decides to paint the triplex we lived in. The following year that paint job was going to cost us an extra $200 a month. Just like that. I was in disbelief. How could the rent jump that much and it be legal? Well it was. Per the SMC 7.24.030, we had been served enough notice. No rent control.

So we moved south. Found friendly staff at the Station at Othello. We found an apartment in November, during the non-peak time for rentals and house shopping. But we quickly realized that this place wouldn’t be convenient long-term. Pretty soon we were paying $1501 for rent and realized that a mortgage wasn’t too far away. My husband and I knew it was time to get a house.

We had started saving for a house in 2013. By the time summer of 2016 rolled by, we had almost $10,000 saved up. Before we started saving, we did try a couple of times to work with a couple of realtors/loan agents, but we had a wrinkle in our ability to shop. I needed to transfer my work history from the social security number I worked under. That was something that made us not be an ideal customer for some. But the way I saw it, it just wasn’t time yet. We tried two different loan people in the summer and autumn of 2016 and it didn’t work out.

Then, the skies opened up and Yesenia Celestino became a loan agent. She was a classmate of mine at the University of Washington. She made lemonade and opened a tax  office in Tri-Cities. Finally, when her opportunity came, she was ready to help out the DREAMER and former DREAMER population. She of course is also open to helping out the general population. But she really touched our hearts and our lives by being so down to earth and not judgmental of our past. Even though she couldn’t help us get a loan in October of 2016, she gave us homework so we could be ready to buy in February/March. By February, a week before my 32nd birthday, we were pre-approved.  Yesenia was amazing.

We began shopping. We had already made contact with Tony Rossman in December of 2015. He gave us some tips to be ready to buy. And despite this being a sellers’ market  took a chance on us knowing that our budget was limited and with my husband starting to coach softball, scheduling visits of the homes would be challenging.

I was getting inpatient. Every house that my husband and I could envision our life together in would get snatched up by buyers who could make it rain dollar bills, had no contingencies or would skip inspections were beating us every single time. After four offers that were no-gos and getting intimidated at multiple open houses, I decided we needed a new strategy. A risky one, but a new one. We didn’t have dollars to make it rain and there was no way we would buy a house that needed major repairs or would need repairs in the near future. We needed a move-in ready home that was within our budget where we could still afford to feed ourselves.  Yes, there are some who over commit and realize that they can not afford groceries after their big purchase.

I decided to wait on a house that sat on the market for a weekend. Tony had told us that houses that stayed on the market for at least a week, would have sellers who would be more willing to negotiate and help us split closing costs. You see, as I mentioned we had about $10,000 saved up, but were only counting down payment. When Yesenia met with us she told us about closing costs. We were a little taken back by the news that we would need almost $20,000 upfront just to get into a house. FHA loans on average require that you put 3-3.5% down, basically wiping out our savings. Yesenia found a program that would work best for us that wouldn’t wipe out our savings and Tony demonstrated significant confidence in helping us get either all closing costs included or split. And on the fifth round, with my husband’s amazing patience, Yesenia’s detailed advice and attention to detail, Tony’s negotiating skills (we got half our closing costs split and major repairs) and my persistence, we found a winner.

I wrote a letter to the couple detailing how I checked on the house on Redfin every day until the weekend past. Explained how my heart would race every time I checked and found that the house wasn’t pending yet. On a Tuesday morning, when I was ready to throw in the towel, Tony emailed us with the news he thought that he found our house. It was everything we wanted (except for the .75 bathroom not being in the master bedroom): 3 bedrooms, 1.75 bathrooms, huge kitchen, garage, fenced in back yard, a place to build and raise a family. Our piece of the pie; 1480 square feet of shelter on a 8000 square foot lot.

We are closing in less than two weeks. It is terrifying and exciting at the same time. We don’t have furniture for the home, but with time, we will build our little Magallanes kingdom. We have to also sublease our apartment—find renters!

There is one thing that we’ve learned through this process and that is that God always surpasses your expectations. There we were thinking that we would have to settle for a 1000 square foot home, 2 or 3 bedrooms and one bathroom and some yard, but instead were blessed with a home where we can not just start a family, but raise one too.

In the land of the high salaries and cash offers we got our piece of the pie. It wasn’t easy, but anything worth while usually isn’t.

Productive confrontation

Several months ago, I came across the name Dr. Gary Chapman, while reading another book. The book that the particular author was referring to was The 5 love languages. A friend of mine who got married 2.5 years ago, mentioned that this was gifted to her by another friend and that she enjoyed what he had to share. I asked her to give me examples of a love language, and she mentioned gifts. Immediately I was thinking, “gold digging?”

In 2013 I decided I did not care of this love language guru who encouraged gold digging. Fast forward two years later, nearing my fifth year of marriage and I realized, “Wow. I am near a milestone anniversary and I don’t know what the heck I’m doing, but I really want my marriage to last and be true to my vows. How do I do that?”

“So we meet again Dr. Chapman?” Yes, we met and he showed me the five love languages. And after learning how to keep my husband’s love tank full and learning how to ask my husband to keep my love tank full (without actually saying, honey fill my love tank please), I decided Dr. Chapman had more to teach me. He makes reference to another book of his, “Anger-Taming a Powerful Emotion.” And despite my internal resistance to pick up a book about anger management because I didn’t believe I had an anger problem, I downloaded it on my kindle and decided to take it a chapter at a time, once a week, if I can fight the urge to binge read.

Initially I was annoyed. I couldn’t believe what he was suggesting. His biblical references drove me nuts. Then I thought,”May be, just may be I’m annoyed because he is right.” So I read the first three chapters again, with an OPEN MIND. This is when the expression “mind blown” slaps you in the face.

After 30 years of life, almost 31, I realized I had an anger problem. No, not the one where everyone says she is such a angry person or the one where your employer has a come to Jesus meeting with you because everyone at work doesn’t want to be around you and the ultimatum is you attend anger management or you’re fired. None of that. I’m actually a very happy-go-lucky, find the silver lining in everything sort of person.

What Dr. Chapman introduces is that perhaps your anger problem isn’t from you, it’s from the model you watched on coping with anger and you are just repeating that behavior or being controlling to avoid having that behavior, which results in being hurtful and then angry because you didn’t mean to be hurtful. I know, so confusing. But I highly recommend you take a peek at this part.

Here is my point, finally. In this same book he talks about positive confrontation. This is the the chain link that connects everything together that I have just mentioned. He flat out says, if there is no positive resolution, you should not confront that person. Basically if you can’t see a solution, be like Elsa in Frozen and let it go. I know, easier said than done, but you have to give the method a try. If you execute it in mild stressful situations then when you are caught up in a heated moment, it really helps maintain the peace. So cliche, but true. For example: You hurt someone’s feelings. That person gets angry with you. You get angry with that person because you didn’t mean to be hurtful. But then rather than having diarrhea of the mouth, you apologize for causing the hurtful feelings and admit that you had no malicious intent. The person who was hurt then gets a chance to think about your apology and reflect. There’s a good chance the person will be ready to move on and if not, Dr. Chapman recommends a couple of more tries before YOU let it go.

Same with marriage. Some times we drive each other nuts for the silliest things and we don’t realize we are being hurtful to our spouses. I have learned that it is easier to admit that when you’re wrong, you’re wrong, apologize and avoid an anger fest. Your spouse will forgive you. It’s kind of crazy how some times we are more forgiving to strangers and co-workers than our spouses. May be that’s why people check out so quickly from their marriages.

I’m not a marriage counselor. Pshhhh I’m a political scientist. What do I know? But what I have learned is to let go of the petty things, confront only if there is a good resolution and admit that you’re wrong. You’ll realize that you quickly start filling your significant other’s love tank.

Finally, if you really want to learn about the gold-digging love language, which really isn’t, check out the 5 love languages. I will leave that one a mystery.

Waking up the sleepy giant: Dumping back on Trump

In case you missed it, Mr. Donald Trump, committed the biggest foot-in-mouth offense in modern presidential campaign history. He essentially suggested that the majority of Latinos living in the U.S. are criminals, undocumented and unworthy of living in the U.S.

There are about 54 million Latinos/Hispanic living in the U.S. It is believed that out of this number, there are about 6 million Latinos/Hispanics who are undocumented. This means that only 11% of the Latino population does not have proper documentation.

Out of the 11% of undocumented Latinos in the U.S., a fraction of a percentage of that number are ones who are involved in illegal criminal activities. However, Mr. Trump, in an effort to satisfy a small number of the population who is on the extreme side of the political spectrum, put down a large group of people who all share a few things in common including the struggle to achieve the American Dream and live a better life than they did in their home country.

Statistics and facts aside, Mr. Trump elected to put down a population that has helped this country work all the domestic labor jobs to keep the hierarchy of employment in full motion. You see, if people were to get more than bottom wages for orchard work, farm work, our groceries would be marked up to a ridiculous price that would take a huge chunk of our check. But we don’t live in that America.

Following Mr. Trump’s announcement for his presidential bid in the 2016 elections, many were concerned that his remarks would cause a backlash in the Latino community. However, I don’t believe Mr. Trump and his campaign imagined that it would reach the point that it has starting with Univision canceling its Spanish broadcast of Miss USA. This was followed by NBC canceling their broadcast of Miss USA and Miss Universe, in addition to hosts stepping down like Roselyn Sanchez. You see, when you pick on one Latin American country, you can safely assume that the rest will not step up and defending their sister country.

That’s what many forget when they elect to publicly depict a Latin American country: The Latin American bloc is the biggest bloc still standing. In the 1950s, during the red scare, the U.S. was eagerly trying to keep communist ideas from spreading beyond Cuba. The U.S. knew that the minute communism set foot into the Americas, it would be impossible to keep it from coming into the U.S.

Which is why in the 1980s, the U.S. sent for Salvadoran gangsters to fight the Sandinistas in Nicaragua, in exchange for Permanent Residency cards (Please see Wetback: An Undocumented Documentary). The Reagan administration realized that if this socialist group were to be successful, it would once again threaten the capitalist America the great. But Mr. Trump probably forgot all of this among the Billions of Dollars he’s worth.

The point is that when you mess with one sibling, you mess with the entire family. We are one unit. Yes, we are all living in this great country with so many opportunities. Immigrants come here to build a better life, not to spread corruption. Corruption underlies all countries. But that is a small fraction of the population that continues to make headlines. There are no features written on those workers who work from 5 a.m. to 10 p.m. in the summer to pick those delicious cherries you devour in the summer.

Mr. Trump has now been fired by Macy’s as well as Ricky Martin moving his charity tournament, yet he does not feel the need to apologize. He can go back and sue every company, but that is a lot of money and time to foot before he gets any results if he does get a positive outcome. The beauty about freedom of speech is that you can say whatever you want, however, contracts have clauses for causing harm to the company brand, and in that case, Mr. Trump is out of luck. How many more business relationships is he willing to lose before he admits that his remarks are only true to a fraction of the Latino population? I guess we can grab a bag of popcorn and watch—All of this drama just to please a small number of extremist right-wingers who cannot define the vote. Mr. Trump, how about you focus on the 50 Million Latino votes you could have earned had you played nice?

Bicultural me, my open letter to Rachel Dolezal

Dear Ms. Dolezal,

I have to start out by saying that I do appreciate you wanting to become an ally for a marginalized group and do appreciate that progress that you have lead in the Little/Big city of Spokane.

As a fellow Washingtonian, I can tell you that it has been difficult for me to read my usual newspaper articles because your name continues to come up and this transracial term keeps getting thrown around. Don’t get me wrong, I feel that you should be able to call yourself whatever you want. It is your life after all.

My problem with you is that you became a the victim and the felon in your whole imaginative scheme. The only thing that you’re a victim of is your own lies which have brought you to the 15-minutes of fame that you wish would have ended the minute it started.

You see, I’m all for people being allies and cheerleaders of marginalized groups worldwide. I’m not sure if you’ve watched the movie, A Day without a Mexican, but in the film there is a character named Lila Rodriguez who was really middle eastern but felt that her heart was Mexican. Initially, I felt that you were like Lila. But then when the lies started to pour in like rain in the Olympic Peninsula, I felt that as a member of a marginalized group, you hadn’t lived the struggle and used lies to pretend to have lived the struggle.

I’m Guatemalan-American. First generation in the U.S. I’ve struggled with not being Guatemalan enough for my family back home, and not American enough here. That is internal conflict at it’s finest. Being bicultural is no joke. Being part of a marginalized group is no joke. And the fact that you used the struggles of a marginalized group to spark your success, makes this situation hurtful to all other parties involved and affected.

You suggested that you had broken through that glass ceiling and had prevailed not just as an African American, but as a woman as well. As a woman of color, that’s something you don’t lie about. I know the struggle. Breaking through the glass ceiling in corporate America has proven to be a much more difficult task despite me following the rules, policies, protocol and being a stellar employee.

I’m not African American. I’m not biracial. I am bicultural and you have no idea that internal fight that one struggles with trying to fit in because it seems like that is the path to success. My siblings have also struggled with their bicultural identity. You see, being Guatemalan American also suggests a responsibility to be a master at two different languages. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to Master both languages in the highest of academic manners? You don’t. You know why? Because you don’t have to please both sides of the bridge that you created.

I didn’t create the separation that I was born into. I chose to embrace my Guatemalaness and Americaness all at once. Not because I was told to choose, but because I knew that I had what it takes to be both.

Do you know what it’s like to be your parents translator at age 10? All of the sudden you have to be able to relay in a complete manner a conversation of adults at age 10. I’m not complaining. I love every struggle I have faced as it has made me the woman on a path to break the glass ceiling and excel in all I do.

There are cultural struggles that you believe you understand because of your academic background. I have to tell you, there’s a difference between being educated and being wise. You are an educated woman and I respect you as such. But your untruthfulness is what I cannot respect of you. Unless you could truly walk a mile in an African American woman’s shoes, please do not identify as such.

What you can do is that as a Caucasian woman, you can continue to be an ally for a marginalized group to promote mobility. We’re humans. We’ll learn to forgive. Use your talents to continue to create awareness, not controversy.

Sincerely,

Bicultural Seattlelite me

Iron sharpens us

We’ve all been there. The situation where we are forcing something to happen, but it’s just not happening. The optimistic person in you tells you that all great rewards are worth fighting for. The pessimistic you is telling you get out, nothing good is worth fighting this hard for. So how do you know if you are forcing the situation and need to walk away OR you’re fighting for the reward of your life.

Relationships are the most common situation for this scenario. Last week I was reading a quick blurb by some gossip magazine about how Chris Noth said that Carrie Bradshaw was a bit of a…whore. Over and over we see her move on from Mr. Big and every time she appears to be moving on, she falls for Mr. Big again. Heart ache after heart ache, tears after tears, she always goes back to him. But does that mean that the person you believe is your soulmate should put you through so much pain?

When my husband and I were dating, it took us three trips through going-steady lane to finally figure out that we were going to be with one another forever. We took breaks. We figured out that we could cause more positive than create negative in our lives. I guess that’s where we figured out that we weren’t going to be like those couples who break up over 100 times and move on and then go back to the ex-factor.

I think the first couple of times, I was trying to force the relationship to happen, and stopped taking care of me. Once I put me first, the relationship worked out.

While looking for a small inexpensive gift for my wedding anniversary, I came across this shirt that said “Iron sharpens iron.” The quote was taking from Proverbs 27:17, it reads, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

Long story short, I did buy him that shirt because I realized that a solid relationship should work out like this. We should sharpen one another, and not break each other down.

There’s a saying that Latinos are like the crabs in a pot; rather than helping each other climb out, they chop each other down and no one comes out alive. I hate when people bring up that saying because I don’t think we should be this way (not saying that we all are).

When trying to work a relationship out, our human nature is either to push through or run as fast as we can. We should work to make each other better first.

Absolute golden… say nothing

You know that “Silence is golden” ad that you watch before your movie starts at the movie theater? It’s that ad that we hate to see but unfortunately others need that last reminder that they’re there to watch the movie and not social networking hour. Some times I wonder what would happen if that would appear in our mind before we say something that will cause the “foot in mouth” phenomenon.

Think of it… right before you call your co-worker incompetent, or your sibling an ogre, or worse, your boss a “poisonous b****”(The Proposal reference), a sign appears right in front of you, “Silence is golden.” What would you do? Would you still move forward with your favorite insult? Or would you take that five second to reflect and walk away?

I always wrestled with this idea whenever I had disagreements with my father,  “Do I tell him what I really think and proof to him that I am right or do I walk away and make him think he’s right?”

The majority of the time, I did walk away and said nothing because I knew that no matter what, he’d be interested in having the final word regardless. There were a few times where I would tell him that he was living in the past and needed to get with the times. I’m not talking about technology here, but the cultural evolution that happens to a person who is the child of immigrant parents.

I wouldn’t say mean things like calling my dad odd names besides a sexist. In my book, calling a man a sexist should give him time to reflect on what his behavior is like and how he can improve it to be a better father-figure, husband, etc.

The “Silence is golden” sign didn’t magically appear in front of me, but I would imagine what would happen if I just said what I wanted to say… what my mom calls “diarrhea of the mouth.” Sounds ugly, huh? Well that’s the visual my mom intended for me to create before I said something hurtful to not just my siblings and parents, but those who surround me: teachers, peers, co-workers, etc.

When someone pushes our buttons and gets us worked up, like Margaret did to Bob in The Proposal, we have two choices: We can react or we can reflect.

Both aren’t easy choices, but one does have a happier ending than the other. I don’t feel like being married for 4 years makes me a pro at this. However, being the oldest of six children did give me plenty of opportunities to apply this practice. As a kid and a teen, I mainly reacted. But as I got older I realized that you attract more flies with honey than with vinegar when you reflect.

At the end of the day you are you and everyone else is themselves. How you continue to build or continue to destroy your relationship with other is 50% you. Smiling is contagious. So is doing the right thing. We don’t always see the fruits of our hard work immediately, but eventually others notice that your intentions were good all along and that other person ruffling up your feathers may even elect to reflect. Silence is golden not just because you allow others to enjoy the movie they paid a premium to watch, but because you give yourself a chance to not hurt others even if they hurt you first. Reflecting is golden.

Clean and cook now, kick and scream later….later, later

I haven’t written for a couple of weeks. It’s not because I ran out of things to say. Ha! If you know me in person, you know that I never run out of stuff to talk about.

The truth, the honest exhausting truth…work the last couple of weeks has burnt me out and by the time I would get home, I only had time to take care of my domestic responsibilities and just have enough energy to sleep.

People often talk about how difficult it is to be a working mom, but it’s not often that people talk about how difficult  it is to be  working wife. By no means am I suggesting that I do more than a working mom or stay at home.

There are just some days that being at work all day makes you want to run home to escape your stressors. But if you’re a working wife, there are no breaks (the majority of the time). You get home from work, you get dinner going. If you have a pet, you feed your pet, finish making dinner, then take your pet out for their potty break. You eat dinner with your significant other, the you try to clean up some, so you don’t have a big mess to clean in the morning. Then you have to squeeze the bigger chores during the week like laundry, bathing your dog, toilet scrubbing—you know, the sexy chores.

Well a couple of weeks ago, my daily routines caused me to have a melt down and I told my husband that he didn’t value my domestic work. I of course, cried and yelled, ran to the room, and then told him that once I was done with my tantrum.

You see, after four years of marriage (my anniversary was 10 days ago), I’ve learned (and continue to work on) that no matter how upset or stressed out you are from work or whatever happened during your day, you have to separate your feelings from how you feel about your significant other. We can say the meanest things when we are stressed out and/or upset. And those things are what can lead to heated arguments, hurt feelings and worse of all, grudges. Displaced feelings are the greatest poison for any relationship.

The day that I melted down on my husband, I did manage to make him dinner before hand. I think it helped that he had a full stomach so he knew better than to argue with me while I was in the midst of my breakdown. Once I calmed down, we talked about what happened, what had been happening lately and how we needed to both need to help one another.

My marriage is not perfect. You’re going to have disagreements with your significant other. Think about all the times you argued with your siblings. It’s absolutely normal to not agree. But it’s not normal to hold grudges. It’s ok to have a melt down. It’s ok to put yourself in a timeout to reflect on why you’re upset. It’s ok to take a nap if you had an extra stressful day.

The balance between work and home life is one that will never be perfect. You are only one person and can only accomplish so much in one day. And if you have to remind your significant other from time to time to value your domestic work, that’s ok too. They’ll remember that housework is work too.