You know that “Silence is golden” ad that you watch before your movie starts at the movie theater? It’s that ad that we hate to see but unfortunately others need that last reminder that they’re there to watch the movie and not social networking hour. Some times I wonder what would happen if that would appear in our mind before we say something that will cause the “foot in mouth” phenomenon.
Think of it… right before you call your co-worker incompetent, or your sibling an ogre, or worse, your boss a “poisonous b****”(The Proposal reference), a sign appears right in front of you, “Silence is golden.” What would you do? Would you still move forward with your favorite insult? Or would you take that five second to reflect and walk away?
I always wrestled with this idea whenever I had disagreements with my father, “Do I tell him what I really think and proof to him that I am right or do I walk away and make him think he’s right?”
The majority of the time, I did walk away and said nothing because I knew that no matter what, he’d be interested in having the final word regardless. There were a few times where I would tell him that he was living in the past and needed to get with the times. I’m not talking about technology here, but the cultural evolution that happens to a person who is the child of immigrant parents.
I wouldn’t say mean things like calling my dad odd names besides a sexist. In my book, calling a man a sexist should give him time to reflect on what his behavior is like and how he can improve it to be a better father-figure, husband, etc.
The “Silence is golden” sign didn’t magically appear in front of me, but I would imagine what would happen if I just said what I wanted to say… what my mom calls “diarrhea of the mouth.” Sounds ugly, huh? Well that’s the visual my mom intended for me to create before I said something hurtful to not just my siblings and parents, but those who surround me: teachers, peers, co-workers, etc.
When someone pushes our buttons and gets us worked up, like Margaret did to Bob in The Proposal, we have two choices: We can react or we can reflect.
Both aren’t easy choices, but one does have a happier ending than the other. I don’t feel like being married for 4 years makes me a pro at this. However, being the oldest of six children did give me plenty of opportunities to apply this practice. As a kid and a teen, I mainly reacted. But as I got older I realized that you attract more flies with honey than with vinegar when you reflect.
At the end of the day you are you and everyone else is themselves. How you continue to build or continue to destroy your relationship with other is 50% you. Smiling is contagious. So is doing the right thing. We don’t always see the fruits of our hard work immediately, but eventually others notice that your intentions were good all along and that other person ruffling up your feathers may even elect to reflect. Silence is golden not just because you allow others to enjoy the movie they paid a premium to watch, but because you give yourself a chance to not hurt others even if they hurt you first. Reflecting is golden.
GameOfGiveAndTake 